Why is it that most of the time only sad things make the news? Is that really all people want to read? Do they not have enough sadness in their own life that they have to learn about someone else's?
This college business is not going smoothly at all. Hannah and I want to go to UTSA only for the first year and live with her hilarious austrian grandma. No curfew, no parentals, no nasty nasty tiny gross fucking dorms, and a really nice house for three people. Can anyone even imagine how ridiculously awesome that would be? NO, it seems, especially not our parents. My parents want to keep me in Austin so they can keep drug testing me, and have me home by curfew, and know that I'm perfectly safe and not heading in the direction that my aunts and uncle did because after all Brianna, 18 is not some magic age. Really? Seriously? No, no. No way, absolutely not. I can't believe that they think they can tell me what colleges I can and can't go to, where I can live, and who I can see, all because of a plant? Well no, lies too. Oh and the accident that killed the favorite car. Also don't forget the stupid boys that we actually wasted months of our lives with, and who still think we actually like them. Yes, yes, I know, lets bring up things of the past because no matter how sorry I am, or how awful I feel about the consequences of my actions, it's never enough. So it all comes down to two options: go to the college I want to go to, live the life I want to, be completely broke due to the fact that I will have no financial support for ANYTHING and ruin my relationship with my parents, OR I could choose to roll over and let my parents pick out my life for me and make it nice and smart and boring. Why can't they just be happy? Oh yeah, because I lie and smoke and I'm a bad daughter. But it's alright! As long as my tests come back clean, my therapy for my supposed intimacy/anger/keep-all-the-feelings-inside issues goes well, and as long as I let them pick out the perfect life for me, all will be forgiven. Until I mess up once again, and the nicely repaired wall breaks and all my problems come tumbling out of their mouths at me once again.
It's like a never ending circle of horrible events. When will they learn? When will I learn? It isn't like I wanted to hurt them, no, that wasn't it. I was just doing what pretty much all normal teenagers do; having a good time, relaxing. So what if I can't say important things to people, or talk about my feelings. Does it really matter that I only use boys for one thing? I don't like affection, is that really a big deal? Good goddddd. I was so excited that I was finally getting out of the four year prison-hell they call high school, or Bowie, but now that my future is so undecided and sort of thrown around all over, I just want to stay in one place and not move until the future is clear. But part of me doesn't want to know because I have a feeling I will be losing either my best friend or my parents, which isn't fair at all. I know for sure I'm going to be spending the rest of my life with her, why can't they just deal? Oh right, because they know best, after all.
oh yeah, my mom asked me if hannah and i were having sex?!!!!?!?!??????!!!!!!! akwaarrrrdd.